Christian Men Follow Their Counterparts at Walking Out
Lewisville, Texas. / PRBuzz / March 23, 2011 -- "He's gone! I don't know why, but he's gone." According to Dr. Steven B. DavidSon, Christian men are as likely to walk out on their families as non-Christian men. "I have to visit this topic regularly. I submit that if you visited most local churches, it would not be unusual to find this issue among the men."
When asked why he believes it is so prevalent? DavidSon offers a few reasons that affect large segments of the Christian population. "First, consider that about 70% of people in the United States profess to be Christian. So survey data is going to be skewed. This is one reason why it appears that Christians' rate of divorce is as significant as non-Christians. Obviously, men are a segment of this group."
"We can certainly identify the issue of poor leadership. It is so important for people to see leaders who uphold the virtues of integrity and sacrifice. Notice, I said sacrifice. Marriage as defined by Jesus is an impossible institution without the complete power of the Holy Spirit operating in a couple's relationship. People can do well for a period of time and then the wheels come off the relationship. Marriage is so untenable when the disciples learned Jesus' perspective of this binding institution, they reasoned 'we will not be getting married,'my version (Matthew 19:8-12). So, it is a very difficult institution to maintain through all of life's challenges."
When asked does he see any trends or patterns that are unusual? He responds with a sense of sadness. "You know, it's easier to explain when a fellow is inexperienced and youthful. However, it is not unusual for men ages 50 or older to forge a different direction. They often see their wives aging faster, particularly if they are the same or similar age. When you combine this with a wife who is dealing with severe life-change (i.e. menopause, depression, etc.), it is a volatile situation without other powerful factors to maintain the relationship. There is no mystery why they typically leave their wives for younger women. This is so crushing to women in the same age range who are battling with their own self image among other struggles. This is why I don't recommend that women marry men who are younger. There are exceptions, but it is counter intuitive.
By the way, women depart from relationships. However, they do not leave their relationships at the same rate as men, particularly where lengthy relationships are involved. It is very rare to witness a woman walking away from a 25 year relationship. When asked what he attempts to do to help men who seem determined to walk away? DavidSon is pragmatic. I must confess. I attempt to determine if there has been a sexual encounter with a 'lust interest.' If so, the best thing the wife can do is to Luke 15 him."
What Psychologist James Dobson and others call tough love, Dr. DavidSon prefers the more Christ-based term Luke 15. Luke 15 records the parable of the Father who loved his son, but showed the ability to honor his wayward son's desire by giving the son his inheritance and enabling him to depart. DavidSon continues, "The parable is pregnant with significance for any kind of love relationship where a party is determined to depart.
The key is prevention. Spouse must not cross the line. It is so rare for men or women to reverse themselves and gravitate back to the spouse once they've entered a sexual relationship outside the marriage. It is particularly daunting for men. Even when they try to recover, all it takes is a phone call, text, or email by the lust-interest. Like a power addiction, it could be months or years later. By the way, the age of the male does not matter. It is very rare for a man to depart without his eye on a mate. Jesus knew this. He redefined adultery. It is not necessary to touch a person. Adultery is committed when the spouse begins the sentimental contacts such as texts, phone calls, emails, and non sexual meetings. These are all a precursor to the consummation of the adultery in a sexual escapade (Matthew 5:28)." As with the prodigal, the other relationship has to settle and lose that lustful shine before the wayward husband comes to himself. Unfortunately, the break-up causes such emotional damage, it is usually too late."
Dr. DavidSon's organization has several videos and other support on-line to help couples or separated spouses deal with family and marital crisis at christbasedcounseling.org. "Personally, I have found that if there are no egregious vices such as abandonment, battery, infidelity and if the spouses are living together with some degree of peace this should be the focus. We attempt to make ourselves 'happy' in every area of life, which is impossible. 'If' we are men and women in the Lord, we need to make up our minds that whatever unhappiness we have it is only for a short while. Let's sacrifice what we desire concerning our marriages, and look to a time when we will be pleased eternally. No matter how many years we are upon the earth, it is not very long."
Article by: CB Press Associates
Contact: Timothy DavidSon, 469-948-4776
A3CEES Web System: Christbasedcounseling.org, Collegeplex.org
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